Moving along :)

Things are busy and wonderful!  Jer has been back and forth now a few times to the camp he's working at up North....we've missed him and crammed everything in during the 6 days he's home in between.  Now, he's home until at least the 14th if not for good!  In two days, we're packing 3 kids and my mom in our van, Jer's best man, his sister and her boyfriend in Mr. Best Man's car and we're driving straight for 24 hours to a vacation home in Florida for a week!  I'M SO EXCITED I CAN HARDLY STAND IT!!!!

During that week, we'll celebrate two absolutely wonderful years of marriage and we'll lounge beside the heated pool in back yard and we'll visit the famous flea markets there....we'll bring our kids to the Gulf of Mexico to swim and then to the Atlantic Ocean to dip their toes in just to say they've done it....we'll trick or treat in a completely different country AND....we'll go to the Magic Kingdom for a day!!!  It's going to be an amazing trip and the pictures and memories we'll have from it will be just awesome!

Other than planning and packing we've been on and off looking at houses and we even put an offer in on one at the beginning of October but unfortunately couldn't come to an agreement.  It wasn't meant to be though otherwise it would've happened smoothly!

I've been reading "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay as well and it really has changed/healed my life.  No more hate speak about myself (on a daily basis I was telling myself I was too fat, too ugly, nose is crooked, among many many other things!), no more trying to be perfect or a reflection of what others think I should be, I'm not living my life for them.  I'm letting go of all the hurt I've been holding onto for all these years.  I'm learning to forgive wrongs that happened when I was a child and wrongs that happened days, months and weeks ago...it's a freeing and refreshing feeling to let go of all of the resentment. 

Everyone in my life has come into it for one reason or another....good and bad, they've all taught me invaluable lessons about myself, my life and other people.  They've taught me good things and bad things.  I do not regret ANYTHING (and there used to be a list a mile and a half long that I HATED that happened to me) that has ever happened.  I do not regret meeting ANY of the people I met.  If things hadn't happened as they had, I wouldn't be where I am today...and I LOVE where I am today! 

I'm forgiving myself for everything I've done as well.  We all tend to beat ourselves up for everything we've ever done.  We don't live in the past, it's time to forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes and MOVE ON.  The things I've done wrong in life are not what defines me!  Everyone makes mistakes, you learn from them and move on.  What matters is who I am now...and who I will continue to be in the future.

I'm learning to accept things as they are....if something happens, it's happening because it's supposed to happen that way.  It will eventually get me to where I'm supposed to be.  I'm embracing things instead of being angry or disappointed.  This has REALLY helped me...when we didn't get the house we put an offer on, I was disappointed....but in the past, I would have cried and said "Why not, why can't we just have things go smoothly, why don't we ever get what we want"....not anymore.  Instead, I thanked the universe for giving us the opportunity to see how things work when you're offering to buy a house and recognized that this wasn't the right house for us.  If it was, we'd be moving into it when we got home from Florida!

I put out gratitude and list things I'm thankful for every single day.  Something as small as the new delicious coffee we bought the other day in Niagara on the Lake or as big as a wonderful husband who is positively reinforcing my new way of thinking everyday.  Small things like being able to afford Netflix and large things like being able to be a surrogate mother (I'm soo thankful I was able to help 3 families!!).  Small things like green chapstick and huge things like having a HUGE family who loves and accepts me as I am!  Small things like having the courage and talent to be in a musical (I'm doing Oliver! this year and loving it!) and huge things like having more than enough money to pay our bills!  I'm thankful for the the sun when it's shining and the rain when it's pouring.  I'm grateful for the endless hugs and kisses I get everyday from my husband and kids.  I'm thankful for my health and life in general.

I'm taking care of me more and even started wearing a bit of make up now and then...if you know me, you know I "don't do" make up.  But why not??  I always felt like I was trying to be someone I wasn't when I put make up on...but why am I not that lady who wears a bit of make up?  So now I do.

I've started eating better and have a plan to do a couch to 5k program when we get home from Florida.  I'm accepting myself as I am (I've had 7 babies, my tummy is SUPPOSED to look like that!  Sure, my nose is crooked, but how boring would this world be if we all looked the same...my crooked nose is part of my uniqueness!) but I also know that working on me will help me love myself that much more.  I have been referred to a rheumatologist and have an appointment in March...we suspect Fibromyalgia (all my blood work came back normal so we know I don't have arthritis, lupus, diabetes or a thyroid problem...so now we work on ruling out everything else as well).  Exercising will help me deal with Fibro better too if that's what it is.

Everything I do, everything I think...I'm changing into positive.  When I'm in a bad mood, I question why, "talk" it out with myself and turn it around.  My family deserves that and so do I!

My mantra's are:  I accept and approve of myself.  I love myself.  I am enough!  I deserve all I have and more.  I am a GREAT mother.  I am a GREAT wife.  Everything is as it should be, if I don't like it, the reason will be revealed to me later.  I must be patient (this is a learning process for me to say the least but I'm definitely working on it!!).  All is well and right in my world!

These mantra's alone have helped me be more happy and calm.  I had been taking medication for my anxiety and it has been drastically reduced since reading this book and changing my outlook and attitude!  I'M PROUD OF THIS!!!

I'm not "there" yet, but I am working, successfully, on loving myself, accepting myself and enjoying everything I have.

Life is so good.  I can't ask for more than that!

Off to Florida in two more sleeps, I'll post when we get home with some pictures!!!! 

Enjoy your life!!

Ho hum

Life has been busy.  Jer went to work for two weeks WAYYY up North, then came home for 6 days and is currently on his 6th day away out of 16.  Life without him sucks.  Period.  When he came home for those 6 days we crammed everything in and were on the go non-stop.  When he gets home on the 27th he'll be hom until the 10th and then be gone again.  In the middle of that is our annual Thanksgiving trip to Havelock and I'm very much looking forward to the time away with our family.

I've been feeling very lost.  Since I am now retired as a surrogate mother, I'm realizing that being a child bearer defined me.  No matter what I was doing, there was pregnancy in the future.  It affected decisions I made (like whether or not to commit to activities or not because I might be pregnant and have to back out).  I planned life around it.  Now that I'm finished using my uterus so to speak, I'm trying to figure out where I fit.  Of course, I'm a wife and mother, first and foremost and always have been/will be.  But now, I have to figure out where I fit in for myself.

I joined our local Operatic Society again this year and will be performing with them in the show "Oliver!" in February and March.  I've done it before and I loved it and am very much looking forward to it again.

I'm also going to be making some beaded jewelry with my sister in law.

I have my mother in law bringing me some smooth stones from her beach front cottage today that I plan to paint as well.

I have a few things on the go and am trying to find my non-preggo groove.

It's hard without my husband, my support, my rock, to guide me and give me advice in person...communication is much different over texts and skype.

I'm definitely managing.  I've started FLYing and am loving it.  It's a really great feeling to have things organized and in order all the time.  I was doing pretty good on my own but it's nice to have something to "follow" everyday.

So life is very up in the air, very "wait and see"....we're hoping there is a job at home soon but realistically he could be going back and forth from home to WAYYY up North until Christmas....I'm crossing my fingers that it will end sooner than that.  However, if it doesn't, we do have Havelock (Fri-Mon) and then Florida (Sunday to following Monday) to look forward to.  Then in November we have James' birthday (which we're planning a big paintball party for him and his friends, he's stoked!) and then of course Christmas in December.  I'll have quite a bit of planning to do on my own if he has to travel all that time...I don't mind really, it keeps me busy and makes the time pass quicker.

Hope everyone is well!  We're hanging in there.....

Randoms

So we had our camping trip and the Monday following, of course, flew by so fast that before I knew it we were on our way to Union Station on Tuesday morning.  We hated saying goodbye again after him only being home for a couple of weeks but it was much easier this time as I said before because we know he'll be home in a couple of weeks.

Aside from that Ball Hockey and Soccer are finishing up the summer seasons and I'm getting ready to register them for the fall seasons.  I also registered Marryn for Ballet and Tap for the first time :)  We went yesterday and got her fitted for shoes and got her some leotard.  She's gonna looks so adorable :D

So now we're just counting down until the 6th (ish) when Jer gets home.  There was word on a possible job here when he gets back too so he may not have to go again.  If he does he'll leave on the 11th and be back for good on the 26th.

We're hangin' in there and trying to keep busy...it's hard but we're making it work!

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Well, Jer is going away for work again.  He leaves Tuesday.  This time 12.5 hours North.  The good thing about it is he goes for 2 weeks and then gets to come home for a "week" (and I put that in quotes because with travelling time it will likely only be about 4-5 days).

With all our travel plans in October, he's going to go for two two-week stints and then come home for 4 and then go back if he hasn't got a job here yet (however there is word that there is work coming in the near future that is around here so he may not even have to go for two two-week turn around's...may only be one).

I'm much better, emotionally speaking, this time than I was last time because I know he gets to come home in between.  There is an "end" in sight....when he left for Sudbury, there was no end date and we had no idea how long he'd be gone for.

I hate it (and so does he and so do the kids) but it's helping us get closer to our goal of buying a house.  This gets him more apprenticeship hours plus is WAY more than what unemployment insurance give him per week.  He won't have to pay for anything while he's there, including food so we'll be able to put quite a bit away again.  So, closer to the goal.  Sucks but trying to look on the bright side.

We're leaving for a weekend camping trip in the next couple of hours to spend time as a family.  Have a good weekend!

Whew....

It's been a crazy couple of weeks!  We went to Sudbury, went to Science North  (and checked out the Body exhibit which was amazing!) while we were there.  Had lots of quality time with Jer and then were able to bring him home with us when we left :D  It was a pretty boring week otherwise because Sudbury is a pretty boring place to be! :/  But it was all worth it!!

When we got home we were non-stop!  Visiting family and just being together doing all the things we normally do in the summer.  We went and got fresh fruits and veggies from our favourite stand, went to Canal Days for the fireworks, went out with friends ALL night long while the kids stayed at Jer's sisters house.  We went for sushi with all our friends the next day.  We've been to Black Creek Pioneer Village (we didn't end up going before we left for Sudbury because we ended up hanging out with Cian and his mom instead :)), we've been to the ROM.  We had a birthday party here for Jonah.  We've been out and about quite a bit.  We're all so happy and content :)

I can't believe summer is almost over already.  I've started thinking about back to school shopping already!  Jer and I are going camping, just the two of us, in a couple of weeks.  It will be nice to reconnect.  In September, we have plans to take the kids camping a couple of time with friends for the weekend.  We didn't get to do our big 10 day camping trip this year but there is always next year for that.  October is coming much more quickly than I expected it to!!!  We're all very much looking forward to Havelock (Jonah probably the most because he got a new fishing pole for his birthday from his Grandparents and he spends a lot of time fishing there!) as well as our Florida trip.  I'm starting to really think about our packing and schedules for all of that!!

Cubs also starts again in a few short weeks!  And for the first time, Marryn will start dance class (squee!).

Things are back to normal and my heart is full!

Hope everyone else is doing as well as we all are!!!

1 week

We leave for Sudbury in 1 week.  I want to count down the hours.

So much crap has happened in the last month!!  The universe is really testing us that's for sure...from hospital visits to fuses blowing to things getting stolen to spiders to lack of sleep...it's been a pretty rough month.

I have learned from this experience though.

If we never buy a house.  If we forever rent this exact same apartment.  If we forever live just as we are.

As long as we're together, as a family, supporting each other?  That is ALL that really matters.  Money means nothing.  Being together, enjoying each others company, supporting each other, loving each other and being affectionate...as a family.  THAT is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE.

Money is nice.  Love is much, much nicer.

I'm counting down the days, hours and seconds until we're all together again.  My true happiness lies with my husband and children and our loving and supportive family and friends.

I am so thankful for all we have, but I'm thankful for our love most of all.

Movies, music and the food bank

I've been spending a lot of time with the music on and the television off.  My kids have been watching way less as well.  The boys are spending most of their time outside and Marryn, who has the  biggest imagination of all three of my children, is spending time "Doctoring" her babies, looking at books, making me imaginary tea and cookies and talking to her imaginary friend "The Star Lady".  The music soothes me whether I'm sad, happy or irritated by something.  The television and it's virtually non-existent summer line up hasn't caught my attention but once since Jer's been gone.

Movies are a different story.  I've watched more movies since he's been gone that's for sure!  On Sunday night my BFF and I went to see Magic Mike at the Drive in.  It was pretty good, cute plot line and lots of eye candy!  I haven't taken the kids back to the drive in yet but that is planned for probably Friday of this week, Ice Age 3 is coming out.  Then the rest of the time before we head to Sudbury is pretty full!

Saturday the 14th Jonah has a soccer tournament, James has a hockey game and I have a stag and doe, Sunday the 15th is Niko's 4th birthday party (he turns 4 on Friday already!), Monday the 16th and Tuesday the 17th will be spent at my BFF's helping her unpack in her new place, Wednesday the 18th there is nothing planned except Soccer practice in the evening, so probably cleaning and catching up on laundry, Thursday the 19th is also nothing during the day but a hockey game in the evening so probably a rest and do nothing kind of day.  Friday the 20th I have massage therapy, Saturday the 21st is soccer again, Marryn has a birthday party, I have dinner and a beach bonfire and the two little ones are sleeping at my sister in law's house.  Sunday the 22nd and Monday  the 23rd will be cleaning and laundry and resting days again and then Tuesday the 24th I have to go Toronto to sign the papers for Cian's parents to officially be his parents and his only parents and my mom and I are taking the kids to Black Creek Pioneer Village for the rest of the day, Wednesday the 25th is my 6 week check up and then Thursday the 26th is not only Jonah's 8th birthday but we leave for Sudbury for at least a week, possibly up to 2.

I'm so excited for things to be going so quickly...I've been sad on and off and missing Jer every day.  The faster the days go, the quicker we get there to see him!

Tomorrow the kids and I will be going to donate food to our local food bank.  I read in the newspaper about one of our local food banks being really low on food so today when I was doing my groceries I picked up a bunch of extra stuff to bring there.  Being someone who's had to use the food bank before, I want to teach my children that it's important to donate when you can because you never know when you might need to utilize it!  I hope they're never in that position but it's still important to teach them.  Here is our haul to bring over tomorrow:



Happy Wednesday!!!