All my life I have found something to be sad or unhappy about. It was just what we did in our family. *Insert happy goings on here*....*Insert yes but's here*...there was always a look at the negative in every happy moment.
Body image was negative. Eating was negative. Creativity was negative. Being eccentric or "weird" was negative. Body functions were negative. Imperfections were negative.
Nothing was normal. Everyone else was normal, we, were not.
So I grew up thinking everyone was better that me, could do it better than me and that I was sub par in every and all aspects.
As you well know, this leads to unhappiness, depression, anxiety and a myriad of other things that I won't even get into because they're in the past.
What I DIDN'T know, is that happiness is a choice. Your likes and dislikes and eating and body functions and creativity and wonderful weirdness are all things you can't control. But, should you chose to accept them and love them as part of who you are, something miraculous happens.
Happiness.
And it's a choice. You have to consciously say to yourself, "This is me, I love who I am and I choose to be happy because I am a good person."
Some days it is harder than others and, like everyone, there are days when those negative thoughts creep in and dampen my day, sometimes for a few days at a time. Then I see something or hear something or read something that reminds me that I am the only person in control of my happiness. And that I can do it. I am strong enough and good enough and I have love and support in my life.
Bad things happen to everyone. People are mean. The world can be unfair and cruel.
This too shall pass.
The only consistent thing in this world is change. Nothing will forever be the same.
I choose happiness. I choose love. I choose acceptance. I choose forgiveness, both for myself and for others.
I have an amazing life and I've worked hard to get here. No one can take it away from me!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Happy 4th Birthday my Darling Girl!
This 4 years has gone by incredibly fast. She brings me joy every single day and I wish she would stay little forever! But, she'll start school in September and knowing how quickly she learns it won't be long before she's surprising me in new ways!
Happy Birthday "little" girl, don't grow up too fast!!! xoxoxox
Happy Birthday "little" girl, don't grow up too fast!!! xoxoxox
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Photo heavy updates :)
I know it's been months but life has been good and busy :)
Oliver has come and gone, it went amazing and I'm already starting to prepare for next year's show, "The Music Man"...I can't wait to start rehearsals!
Operation buy a house is back on though we know it won't be until the new year at least because Jer has to go to school in September to finish the last block requirement for his apprenticeship...then he'll write his test and be a journeyman. Being on EI for those two months means it won't be a very good time to buy a house yet! But, as soon as he's done and writes, then we can do it, so we're starting our savings now while he's getting crazy overtime hours so that we can get through the EI months and hopefully still have some left over come House Time.
I've stuck to my New Years resolution as well (which was to lose 50lbs this year) and so far I have lost 30 of those 50 since January 1st :)
I've also decided to put more time and effort into creating art. I've started an online class and I'm loving every minute of it.
We took a trip to the Sugar Bush during March Break, celebrated Jer's 30th with a surprise party for him and Marryn had her dance recital in May. The boys also played the Spring season of Ball Hockey this year.
Last Sunday, I had a BBQ with two of three of my surrogate families and had some pictures taken of it. It was a beautiful day and we all had a great time, I'm hoping to do it again next year!
Other than that we're basically just in a holding pattern. Nothing new or exciting going on except the kids being out of school for the summer. We purchased 1 year memberships to the Science Centre and ROM in Toronto so we plan to do that a few times this summer. We've also booked and paid for the house in Florida for a week again so we'll be doing that in November this year. I have a feeling that will become a yearly trip :)
Anyway, here are some photo's of the last few months!
Oliver has come and gone, it went amazing and I'm already starting to prepare for next year's show, "The Music Man"...I can't wait to start rehearsals!
Operation buy a house is back on though we know it won't be until the new year at least because Jer has to go to school in September to finish the last block requirement for his apprenticeship...then he'll write his test and be a journeyman. Being on EI for those two months means it won't be a very good time to buy a house yet! But, as soon as he's done and writes, then we can do it, so we're starting our savings now while he's getting crazy overtime hours so that we can get through the EI months and hopefully still have some left over come House Time.
I've stuck to my New Years resolution as well (which was to lose 50lbs this year) and so far I have lost 30 of those 50 since January 1st :)
I've also decided to put more time and effort into creating art. I've started an online class and I'm loving every minute of it.
We took a trip to the Sugar Bush during March Break, celebrated Jer's 30th with a surprise party for him and Marryn had her dance recital in May. The boys also played the Spring season of Ball Hockey this year.
Last Sunday, I had a BBQ with two of three of my surrogate families and had some pictures taken of it. It was a beautiful day and we all had a great time, I'm hoping to do it again next year!
Other than that we're basically just in a holding pattern. Nothing new or exciting going on except the kids being out of school for the summer. We purchased 1 year memberships to the Science Centre and ROM in Toronto so we plan to do that a few times this summer. We've also booked and paid for the house in Florida for a week again so we'll be doing that in November this year. I have a feeling that will become a yearly trip :)
Anyway, here are some photo's of the last few months!
New Jeans, size 14 at Old Navy, I haven't been this small in years!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Oh Happy Day!
Happy V Day to all who celebrate it!
Well, I failed glutenlessly...I just felt like crap on that diet! Kind of dizzy and weak...within an hour of cheating with a half a bagel I felt SO much better! So I ditched it for now. If the rheumy says to go it again I will and I know I can stick to it, I will just have to power through the crappy feelings. For now, gluten it is!
On a lighter note, it's Valentine's day :) I love this holiday. There is a lot of romance in my life on a regular basis but there is just something about pink and red and hearts and flowers and love :) Makes a grey February that much brighter.
Well, I failed glutenlessly...I just felt like crap on that diet! Kind of dizzy and weak...within an hour of cheating with a half a bagel I felt SO much better! So I ditched it for now. If the rheumy says to go it again I will and I know I can stick to it, I will just have to power through the crappy feelings. For now, gluten it is!
On a lighter note, it's Valentine's day :) I love this holiday. There is a lot of romance in my life on a regular basis but there is just something about pink and red and hearts and flowers and love :) Makes a grey February that much brighter.
My Flowers
The flowers James gave his girlfriend
My Prezzy!
Jer got me a year subscription to Paintworks Magazine as well as some new drawing pencils and I got him a T-Shirt of the Month subscription from Busted Tee's! It's a good day :)
I hope your V Day was as wonderful as mine was :)
Friday, January 18, 2013
Gluten free day 1...
So, I've been in pain most of my life. Sometimes my skin hurts for no reason, I'm almost ALWAYS tight in the shoulders despite going to massage therapy on a semi regular basis. My joints are always popping and cracking and I can't scratch my own back without hurting my ribs from pushing "too hard" on them (and that happens on other places on my body too).
A few months ago, after researching on my own and reading the same word over and over again...Fibromyalgia, I went to the Dr. about all of this because I started realizing after so many years of feeling this way, I probably shouldn't be feeling this way. And he agreed, and checked my tender points and sure enough they were, well, tender. He said he couldn't diagnose me just from that but that it was something we should look into. I had some blood work to rule out lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, hyperthyroidism, diabetes and a bunch of other stuff...and thankfully, I don't have any of those hard to treat illnesses. So, now, I have a rheumatologist appointment at the end of March to get further testing.
In the meantime, I've been researching. And researching and researching and researching. Other than medication, I wanted to know what I could do to help myself feel better. So far I've found this.
Exercise. Even though I'm constantly tired and in pain, some days worse than others (like yesterday...yesterday sucked)...exercise is an important part of helping ease your pain. So I joined the Y again and have been going to aquafit at least three times a week (aside from this last week because Marryn was sick so we stayed home....which could be why yesterday sucked so bad). If I can't go to aquafit for whatever reason I'm on the treadmill or dancing at rehearsals for Oliver.
Eliminating certain food from your diet....the main one being wheat and/or gluten. I've already been counting calories since New Years and had been thinking about going gluten free to help with my resolution of losing 50lbs in a year (I'm down 10lbs and 3 inches in my hips since September when I started semi counting calories!) so after yesterdays horrible, no good, very bad day...I decided to do it. I went to the bulk barn and bought some alternative flours and bread mixes so that I can continue to enjoy things I love (like sandwiches...I LOVE sandwiches) and last night I had my last piece of wheat bread.
I know it's going to be hard...I'm going to hate it at times until I get used to it...but I need to see if this will help me at all. I have a feeling it will and this will be the start of a new lifestyle for me.
I plan to blog on how things are going as well because I know it won't all be easy and I will need to vent on how much I want to eat a loaf of bread lol...
So, day 1. Obviously, not noticing anything different yet lol...but we'll see how I feel tomorrow. :)
Happy Friday!
A few months ago, after researching on my own and reading the same word over and over again...Fibromyalgia, I went to the Dr. about all of this because I started realizing after so many years of feeling this way, I probably shouldn't be feeling this way. And he agreed, and checked my tender points and sure enough they were, well, tender. He said he couldn't diagnose me just from that but that it was something we should look into. I had some blood work to rule out lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, hyperthyroidism, diabetes and a bunch of other stuff...and thankfully, I don't have any of those hard to treat illnesses. So, now, I have a rheumatologist appointment at the end of March to get further testing.
In the meantime, I've been researching. And researching and researching and researching. Other than medication, I wanted to know what I could do to help myself feel better. So far I've found this.
Exercise. Even though I'm constantly tired and in pain, some days worse than others (like yesterday...yesterday sucked)...exercise is an important part of helping ease your pain. So I joined the Y again and have been going to aquafit at least three times a week (aside from this last week because Marryn was sick so we stayed home....which could be why yesterday sucked so bad). If I can't go to aquafit for whatever reason I'm on the treadmill or dancing at rehearsals for Oliver.
Eliminating certain food from your diet....the main one being wheat and/or gluten. I've already been counting calories since New Years and had been thinking about going gluten free to help with my resolution of losing 50lbs in a year (I'm down 10lbs and 3 inches in my hips since September when I started semi counting calories!) so after yesterdays horrible, no good, very bad day...I decided to do it. I went to the bulk barn and bought some alternative flours and bread mixes so that I can continue to enjoy things I love (like sandwiches...I LOVE sandwiches) and last night I had my last piece of wheat bread.
I know it's going to be hard...I'm going to hate it at times until I get used to it...but I need to see if this will help me at all. I have a feeling it will and this will be the start of a new lifestyle for me.
I plan to blog on how things are going as well because I know it won't all be easy and I will need to vent on how much I want to eat a loaf of bread lol...
So, day 1. Obviously, not noticing anything different yet lol...but we'll see how I feel tomorrow. :)
Happy Friday!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
It's been a while...
Things were so crazy busy for the last couple of months that I just haven't felt the inspiration to post. But I'm still here, still kicking :)
Our Florida trip was amazing to say the least. We had such a good time that we immediately booked another week for this coming November! I can't wait to go back to Disney and that beautiful vacation home!!
About a week after we got home, Jer got a job here at home (thank the Universe!)! He's been working Monday to Saturday for the last 6 weeks or so and we've been slowly catching up from Christmas and our trip. Things are back to normal in that aspect and I feel calm and at peace.
On the flip side, I feel a bit stuck. We've decided to wait until he's a journeyman to buy a home (he's JUST in his 5th year...so another 1800 hours, of which he can only accumulate 40 per week). Because of that, we're looking at spring 2014 before we move from here (and I'm unhappy here). It's a good decision and I am glad we're going this route but I feel stuck in that I was hoping we'd be moving THIS spring. However, the difference between this spring and next spring is to the tune of $100k in house so waiting means we don't have to settle! So, we're staying put for now. And making the best of it.
Christmas was wonderful this year as well. We did our normal stuff, my mom comes Christmas morning, then we go to Jer's mom's, then his dad's. And this year I put a turkey breast in the crock pot first thing Christmas morning, it was ready by the time we got home and we had Christmas dinner as a family, just the 5 of us...it was wonderful. :)
Oliver! is coming along as well...as of this Sunday we'll have sets to rehearse with and we'll be able to tweak everything to fit with those sets. We've finished blocking everything so now we're all perfecting our lines and dances and memorizing our words to the songs. It's so much fun and I'm very glad I forced myself to go out there alone! I've made new friends and I think this is something that I will continue with each year. I REALLY enjoy it! I can't wait to find out what next year's show will be...I think I'm going to audition for a speaking roll next year!
Speaking of next year, we just received the notice in Jonah's planner last night about kindergarten registration for children born in 2008 and 2009....that's Marryn (09). I can't believe she's starting school in September!!! She will be starting out at English school and then we'll transition her to French Immersion in Grade 1. Jonah starts French Immersion next year.
Once she starts school, I will have so much time on my hands! I've been trying to decide what I will put my time into and right now all I can think of is decluttering and organizing our house! It's so much easier to do that kind of stuff without little ones underfoot. But besides that, I think I'm going to really focus on painting and art in general. I will have the time to dedicate to it and I love it so much. Not just painting but crocheting and sewing and baking and drawing and making jewelry. I hope to eventually have enough stuff to start doing a table at craft shows. Right now I'm working on this...
It takes quite a bit of time to make all those squares! There are also some other things that look fairly simple and quick to make so again, I hope to get a "stock" so to speak so that I can start doing craft shows.
So, that's my update. Things are good, quiet and normal :)
Happy Tuesday!
Our Florida trip was amazing to say the least. We had such a good time that we immediately booked another week for this coming November! I can't wait to go back to Disney and that beautiful vacation home!!
About a week after we got home, Jer got a job here at home (thank the Universe!)! He's been working Monday to Saturday for the last 6 weeks or so and we've been slowly catching up from Christmas and our trip. Things are back to normal in that aspect and I feel calm and at peace.
On the flip side, I feel a bit stuck. We've decided to wait until he's a journeyman to buy a home (he's JUST in his 5th year...so another 1800 hours, of which he can only accumulate 40 per week). Because of that, we're looking at spring 2014 before we move from here (and I'm unhappy here). It's a good decision and I am glad we're going this route but I feel stuck in that I was hoping we'd be moving THIS spring. However, the difference between this spring and next spring is to the tune of $100k in house so waiting means we don't have to settle! So, we're staying put for now. And making the best of it.
Christmas was wonderful this year as well. We did our normal stuff, my mom comes Christmas morning, then we go to Jer's mom's, then his dad's. And this year I put a turkey breast in the crock pot first thing Christmas morning, it was ready by the time we got home and we had Christmas dinner as a family, just the 5 of us...it was wonderful. :)
Oliver! is coming along as well...as of this Sunday we'll have sets to rehearse with and we'll be able to tweak everything to fit with those sets. We've finished blocking everything so now we're all perfecting our lines and dances and memorizing our words to the songs. It's so much fun and I'm very glad I forced myself to go out there alone! I've made new friends and I think this is something that I will continue with each year. I REALLY enjoy it! I can't wait to find out what next year's show will be...I think I'm going to audition for a speaking roll next year!
Speaking of next year, we just received the notice in Jonah's planner last night about kindergarten registration for children born in 2008 and 2009....that's Marryn (09). I can't believe she's starting school in September!!! She will be starting out at English school and then we'll transition her to French Immersion in Grade 1. Jonah starts French Immersion next year.
Once she starts school, I will have so much time on my hands! I've been trying to decide what I will put my time into and right now all I can think of is decluttering and organizing our house! It's so much easier to do that kind of stuff without little ones underfoot. But besides that, I think I'm going to really focus on painting and art in general. I will have the time to dedicate to it and I love it so much. Not just painting but crocheting and sewing and baking and drawing and making jewelry. I hope to eventually have enough stuff to start doing a table at craft shows. Right now I'm working on this...
It takes quite a bit of time to make all those squares! There are also some other things that look fairly simple and quick to make so again, I hope to get a "stock" so to speak so that I can start doing craft shows.
So, that's my update. Things are good, quiet and normal :)
Happy Tuesday!
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