Photo Snippet of Florida

Our incredible, wonderful, awesome, warm and amazing vacation!  You can also see the inside of our villa here!

Moving along :)

Things are busy and wonderful!  Jer has been back and forth now a few times to the camp he's working at up North....we've missed him and crammed everything in during the 6 days he's home in between.  Now, he's home until at least the 14th if not for good!  In two days, we're packing 3 kids and my mom in our van, Jer's best man, his sister and her boyfriend in Mr. Best Man's car and we're driving straight for 24 hours to a vacation home in Florida for a week!  I'M SO EXCITED I CAN HARDLY STAND IT!!!!

During that week, we'll celebrate two absolutely wonderful years of marriage and we'll lounge beside the heated pool in back yard and we'll visit the famous flea markets there....we'll bring our kids to the Gulf of Mexico to swim and then to the Atlantic Ocean to dip their toes in just to say they've done it....we'll trick or treat in a completely different country AND....we'll go to the Magic Kingdom for a day!!!  It's going to be an amazing trip and the pictures and memories we'll have from it will be just awesome!

Other than planning and packing we've been on and off looking at houses and we even put an offer in on one at the beginning of October but unfortunately couldn't come to an agreement.  It wasn't meant to be though otherwise it would've happened smoothly!

I've been reading "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay as well and it really has changed/healed my life.  No more hate speak about myself (on a daily basis I was telling myself I was too fat, too ugly, nose is crooked, among many many other things!), no more trying to be perfect or a reflection of what others think I should be, I'm not living my life for them.  I'm letting go of all the hurt I've been holding onto for all these years.  I'm learning to forgive wrongs that happened when I was a child and wrongs that happened days, months and weeks ago...it's a freeing and refreshing feeling to let go of all of the resentment. 

Everyone in my life has come into it for one reason or another....good and bad, they've all taught me invaluable lessons about myself, my life and other people.  They've taught me good things and bad things.  I do not regret ANYTHING (and there used to be a list a mile and a half long that I HATED that happened to me) that has ever happened.  I do not regret meeting ANY of the people I met.  If things hadn't happened as they had, I wouldn't be where I am today...and I LOVE where I am today! 

I'm forgiving myself for everything I've done as well.  We all tend to beat ourselves up for everything we've ever done.  We don't live in the past, it's time to forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes and MOVE ON.  The things I've done wrong in life are not what defines me!  Everyone makes mistakes, you learn from them and move on.  What matters is who I am now...and who I will continue to be in the future.

I'm learning to accept things as they are....if something happens, it's happening because it's supposed to happen that way.  It will eventually get me to where I'm supposed to be.  I'm embracing things instead of being angry or disappointed.  This has REALLY helped me...when we didn't get the house we put an offer on, I was disappointed....but in the past, I would have cried and said "Why not, why can't we just have things go smoothly, why don't we ever get what we want"....not anymore.  Instead, I thanked the universe for giving us the opportunity to see how things work when you're offering to buy a house and recognized that this wasn't the right house for us.  If it was, we'd be moving into it when we got home from Florida!

I put out gratitude and list things I'm thankful for every single day.  Something as small as the new delicious coffee we bought the other day in Niagara on the Lake or as big as a wonderful husband who is positively reinforcing my new way of thinking everyday.  Small things like being able to afford Netflix and large things like being able to be a surrogate mother (I'm soo thankful I was able to help 3 families!!).  Small things like green chapstick and huge things like having a HUGE family who loves and accepts me as I am!  Small things like having the courage and talent to be in a musical (I'm doing Oliver! this year and loving it!) and huge things like having more than enough money to pay our bills!  I'm thankful for the the sun when it's shining and the rain when it's pouring.  I'm grateful for the endless hugs and kisses I get everyday from my husband and kids.  I'm thankful for my health and life in general.

I'm taking care of me more and even started wearing a bit of make up now and then...if you know me, you know I "don't do" make up.  But why not??  I always felt like I was trying to be someone I wasn't when I put make up on...but why am I not that lady who wears a bit of make up?  So now I do.

I've started eating better and have a plan to do a couch to 5k program when we get home from Florida.  I'm accepting myself as I am (I've had 7 babies, my tummy is SUPPOSED to look like that!  Sure, my nose is crooked, but how boring would this world be if we all looked the same...my crooked nose is part of my uniqueness!) but I also know that working on me will help me love myself that much more.  I have been referred to a rheumatologist and have an appointment in March...we suspect Fibromyalgia (all my blood work came back normal so we know I don't have arthritis, lupus, diabetes or a thyroid problem...so now we work on ruling out everything else as well).  Exercising will help me deal with Fibro better too if that's what it is.

Everything I do, everything I think...I'm changing into positive.  When I'm in a bad mood, I question why, "talk" it out with myself and turn it around.  My family deserves that and so do I!

My mantra's are:  I accept and approve of myself.  I love myself.  I am enough!  I deserve all I have and more.  I am a GREAT mother.  I am a GREAT wife.  Everything is as it should be, if I don't like it, the reason will be revealed to me later.  I must be patient (this is a learning process for me to say the least but I'm definitely working on it!!).  All is well and right in my world!

These mantra's alone have helped me be more happy and calm.  I had been taking medication for my anxiety and it has been drastically reduced since reading this book and changing my outlook and attitude!  I'M PROUD OF THIS!!!

I'm not "there" yet, but I am working, successfully, on loving myself, accepting myself and enjoying everything I have.

Life is so good.  I can't ask for more than that!

Off to Florida in two more sleeps, I'll post when we get home with some pictures!!!! 

Enjoy your life!!

Ho hum

Life has been busy.  Jer went to work for two weeks WAYYY up North, then came home for 6 days and is currently on his 6th day away out of 16.  Life without him sucks.  Period.  When he came home for those 6 days we crammed everything in and were on the go non-stop.  When he gets home on the 27th he'll be hom until the 10th and then be gone again.  In the middle of that is our annual Thanksgiving trip to Havelock and I'm very much looking forward to the time away with our family.

I've been feeling very lost.  Since I am now retired as a surrogate mother, I'm realizing that being a child bearer defined me.  No matter what I was doing, there was pregnancy in the future.  It affected decisions I made (like whether or not to commit to activities or not because I might be pregnant and have to back out).  I planned life around it.  Now that I'm finished using my uterus so to speak, I'm trying to figure out where I fit.  Of course, I'm a wife and mother, first and foremost and always have been/will be.  But now, I have to figure out where I fit in for myself.

I joined our local Operatic Society again this year and will be performing with them in the show "Oliver!" in February and March.  I've done it before and I loved it and am very much looking forward to it again.

I'm also going to be making some beaded jewelry with my sister in law.

I have my mother in law bringing me some smooth stones from her beach front cottage today that I plan to paint as well.

I have a few things on the go and am trying to find my non-preggo groove.

It's hard without my husband, my support, my rock, to guide me and give me advice in person...communication is much different over texts and skype.

I'm definitely managing.  I've started FLYing and am loving it.  It's a really great feeling to have things organized and in order all the time.  I was doing pretty good on my own but it's nice to have something to "follow" everyday.

So life is very up in the air, very "wait and see"....we're hoping there is a job at home soon but realistically he could be going back and forth from home to WAYYY up North until Christmas....I'm crossing my fingers that it will end sooner than that.  However, if it doesn't, we do have Havelock (Fri-Mon) and then Florida (Sunday to following Monday) to look forward to.  Then in November we have James' birthday (which we're planning a big paintball party for him and his friends, he's stoked!) and then of course Christmas in December.  I'll have quite a bit of planning to do on my own if he has to travel all that time...I don't mind really, it keeps me busy and makes the time pass quicker.

Hope everyone is well!  We're hanging in there.....

Randoms

So we had our camping trip and the Monday following, of course, flew by so fast that before I knew it we were on our way to Union Station on Tuesday morning.  We hated saying goodbye again after him only being home for a couple of weeks but it was much easier this time as I said before because we know he'll be home in a couple of weeks.

Aside from that Ball Hockey and Soccer are finishing up the summer seasons and I'm getting ready to register them for the fall seasons.  I also registered Marryn for Ballet and Tap for the first time :)  We went yesterday and got her fitted for shoes and got her some leotard.  She's gonna looks so adorable :D

So now we're just counting down until the 6th (ish) when Jer gets home.  There was word on a possible job here when he gets back too so he may not have to go again.  If he does he'll leave on the 11th and be back for good on the 26th.

We're hangin' in there and trying to keep busy...it's hard but we're making it work!

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Well, Jer is going away for work again.  He leaves Tuesday.  This time 12.5 hours North.  The good thing about it is he goes for 2 weeks and then gets to come home for a "week" (and I put that in quotes because with travelling time it will likely only be about 4-5 days).

With all our travel plans in October, he's going to go for two two-week stints and then come home for 4 and then go back if he hasn't got a job here yet (however there is word that there is work coming in the near future that is around here so he may not even have to go for two two-week turn around's...may only be one).

I'm much better, emotionally speaking, this time than I was last time because I know he gets to come home in between.  There is an "end" in sight....when he left for Sudbury, there was no end date and we had no idea how long he'd be gone for.

I hate it (and so does he and so do the kids) but it's helping us get closer to our goal of buying a house.  This gets him more apprenticeship hours plus is WAY more than what unemployment insurance give him per week.  He won't have to pay for anything while he's there, including food so we'll be able to put quite a bit away again.  So, closer to the goal.  Sucks but trying to look on the bright side.

We're leaving for a weekend camping trip in the next couple of hours to spend time as a family.  Have a good weekend!

Whew....

It's been a crazy couple of weeks!  We went to Sudbury, went to Science North  (and checked out the Body exhibit which was amazing!) while we were there.  Had lots of quality time with Jer and then were able to bring him home with us when we left :D  It was a pretty boring week otherwise because Sudbury is a pretty boring place to be! :/  But it was all worth it!!

When we got home we were non-stop!  Visiting family and just being together doing all the things we normally do in the summer.  We went and got fresh fruits and veggies from our favourite stand, went to Canal Days for the fireworks, went out with friends ALL night long while the kids stayed at Jer's sisters house.  We went for sushi with all our friends the next day.  We've been to Black Creek Pioneer Village (we didn't end up going before we left for Sudbury because we ended up hanging out with Cian and his mom instead :)), we've been to the ROM.  We had a birthday party here for Jonah.  We've been out and about quite a bit.  We're all so happy and content :)

I can't believe summer is almost over already.  I've started thinking about back to school shopping already!  Jer and I are going camping, just the two of us, in a couple of weeks.  It will be nice to reconnect.  In September, we have plans to take the kids camping a couple of time with friends for the weekend.  We didn't get to do our big 10 day camping trip this year but there is always next year for that.  October is coming much more quickly than I expected it to!!!  We're all very much looking forward to Havelock (Jonah probably the most because he got a new fishing pole for his birthday from his Grandparents and he spends a lot of time fishing there!) as well as our Florida trip.  I'm starting to really think about our packing and schedules for all of that!!

Cubs also starts again in a few short weeks!  And for the first time, Marryn will start dance class (squee!).

Things are back to normal and my heart is full!

Hope everyone else is doing as well as we all are!!!

1 week

We leave for Sudbury in 1 week.  I want to count down the hours.

So much crap has happened in the last month!!  The universe is really testing us that's for sure...from hospital visits to fuses blowing to things getting stolen to spiders to lack of sleep...it's been a pretty rough month.

I have learned from this experience though.

If we never buy a house.  If we forever rent this exact same apartment.  If we forever live just as we are.

As long as we're together, as a family, supporting each other?  That is ALL that really matters.  Money means nothing.  Being together, enjoying each others company, supporting each other, loving each other and being affectionate...as a family.  THAT is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE.

Money is nice.  Love is much, much nicer.

I'm counting down the days, hours and seconds until we're all together again.  My true happiness lies with my husband and children and our loving and supportive family and friends.

I am so thankful for all we have, but I'm thankful for our love most of all.

Movies, music and the food bank

I've been spending a lot of time with the music on and the television off.  My kids have been watching way less as well.  The boys are spending most of their time outside and Marryn, who has the  biggest imagination of all three of my children, is spending time "Doctoring" her babies, looking at books, making me imaginary tea and cookies and talking to her imaginary friend "The Star Lady".  The music soothes me whether I'm sad, happy or irritated by something.  The television and it's virtually non-existent summer line up hasn't caught my attention but once since Jer's been gone.

Movies are a different story.  I've watched more movies since he's been gone that's for sure!  On Sunday night my BFF and I went to see Magic Mike at the Drive in.  It was pretty good, cute plot line and lots of eye candy!  I haven't taken the kids back to the drive in yet but that is planned for probably Friday of this week, Ice Age 3 is coming out.  Then the rest of the time before we head to Sudbury is pretty full!

Saturday the 14th Jonah has a soccer tournament, James has a hockey game and I have a stag and doe, Sunday the 15th is Niko's 4th birthday party (he turns 4 on Friday already!), Monday the 16th and Tuesday the 17th will be spent at my BFF's helping her unpack in her new place, Wednesday the 18th there is nothing planned except Soccer practice in the evening, so probably cleaning and catching up on laundry, Thursday the 19th is also nothing during the day but a hockey game in the evening so probably a rest and do nothing kind of day.  Friday the 20th I have massage therapy, Saturday the 21st is soccer again, Marryn has a birthday party, I have dinner and a beach bonfire and the two little ones are sleeping at my sister in law's house.  Sunday the 22nd and Monday  the 23rd will be cleaning and laundry and resting days again and then Tuesday the 24th I have to go Toronto to sign the papers for Cian's parents to officially be his parents and his only parents and my mom and I are taking the kids to Black Creek Pioneer Village for the rest of the day, Wednesday the 25th is my 6 week check up and then Thursday the 26th is not only Jonah's 8th birthday but we leave for Sudbury for at least a week, possibly up to 2.

I'm so excited for things to be going so quickly...I've been sad on and off and missing Jer every day.  The faster the days go, the quicker we get there to see him!

Tomorrow the kids and I will be going to donate food to our local food bank.  I read in the newspaper about one of our local food banks being really low on food so today when I was doing my groceries I picked up a bunch of extra stuff to bring there.  Being someone who's had to use the food bank before, I want to teach my children that it's important to donate when you can because you never know when you might need to utilize it!  I hope they're never in that position but it's still important to teach them.  Here is our haul to bring over tomorrow:



Happy Wednesday!!!

More space filling

Jer got off a couple of hours early on Monday since it was a holiday and we stay up until 3 am talking.  I really needed that and so did he, it was nice to not have a time limit and just "be" with each other even though we're so far apart.

This time away from each other, while hard, has been good as well.  Not that I didn't before, but I appreciate even more now, just how much he really does for our family.  I miss him so so much when he's not here for the little things like singing at bedtime or just hanging out on the couch or going to get fresh vegetables from our road side stand that we always go to.  I miss the hugs and kisses he liberally gives to me on a daily basis.  I even miss his snoring.  This time away has definitely helped me realize the things I do take advantage of when he's here (like yesterday when Jonah got bit by the dog down the street and I spent 3.5 hours in urgent care waiting for them to stitch him up....with Marryn.  Who is three.  And antsy....all.  the time.  It would have been much easier had one of us been here to take Jonah and one of us watch Marryn).

Speaking of Jonah being bit by a dog...ya that was fun...NOT.  He only had small puncture wounds on his hand but they were pretty deep (the neighbours dog is a doberman) and he needed one stitch in the top and one in the bottom.  Poor guy, he was so brave.  He didn't even cry until they mentioned stitching him.  They x-ray'd it to make sure nothing was broken as well and thankfully nothing was.  He will be staying away from the neighbours house for a while I'm sure!!  Normally the dog is fine but Jonah stuck his hand in the house from outside, while the dog had a bone and I guess the dog thought there was a threat of some kind.  The neighbour came and apologized profusely and let us know the dog was all up to date on his shots thank goodness so we don't have to worry about rabies or anything.  But he can't swim until he gets the stitches out in 10 days....and it's SO hot here right now :(  He's in good spirits though...my little trooper.

As for me, I have good days and bad days.  Yesterday?  Bad day.  It started with me going to the Dr's first thing in the morning, only to be met by the resident Dr. and told that my Dr. hadn't returned from his hospital rounds so "would it be ok if I talked to you instead?"...I was reluctant being that I was there to talk to him about some pretty personal stuff.  But she talked me into it...little did I know that I wouldn't be seeing my Dr. at all...I thought he would come in after but that was not the case.  Because I was there for anxiety related issues, I started to cry.  I felt totally ridiculous.  She gave me some medication for my anxiety and a prescription for massage therapy which I will start today.  I've been waking up with headaches in the mornings and it is most certainly related to these horrible knots I have in my neck and shoulders!!  With the flood gates (my tear ducts) open, I couldn't do much to stop them once it started :(  I haven't cried since probably Sunday so I knew it was coming.  Jer called me and comforted me (as he always is able to ♥) and then I just came home to chill out for the day....instead we went to the urgent care a few hours later lol....yeah, bad day yesterday!

Hopefully today will be better.  I have massage therapy at 1 and then James has hockey tonight at 6:30.  I was hoping to go to the Drive In again tonight but unfortunately there is nothing for the kids playing that we haven't seen already....the only thing for kids playing is Brave which we saw last week...I'm thinking maybe we'll hit the Cineplex in the falls and watch Madagascar 3 in 3D instead.  Probably much cooler!

We're also all trying to beat the heat here.  I haven't had the air conditioning on because I'm pretty sure the filter needs to be changed and was making me feel funny last week.  I've kept it off and felt pretty good other than being sweaty so I'm trying to avoid putting it on.  Tomorrow, however, may be a different story.  It's supposed to be 35 here with a humidex making it feel like 43.  :/  We may have to put it on for a bit tomorrow just so we don't all melt!!!

I hope it's cooler wherever you are!!

Happy Thursday!

Filling the spaces in between...

It's been one week since Jer left for Sudbury. Despite talking every single day, it's still hard to go to bed without him here. I'm finding it hard to get motivated to do anything at all though I'm sure the heat and the fact that my anxiety is through the roof right now doesn't really help that much. I made a Dr.'s appt for next week to talk to him about the anxiety. It hasn't been this bad in years and I know it's because of everything that has gone on in the last two weeks with having the baby and what not but I think I may need a little help balancing out my hormones and anxiety.

Aside from that I've just been trying to keep myself and the kids busy. I bought myself a couple of girly movies (The Help and Bridesmaids) to pass the time when I am alone (when the kids are sleeping or when they sleep at my in laws). We've filled the spaces with soccer and hockey. I took them to the Drive In on Friday night and we saw Brave (which is a great movie and I recommend anyone go see it!). Yesterday was a bonfire at Jer's dads and then the two youngers slept over while I came home and watched Bridesmaids with my best friend after she got off work. I've also filled the spaces by helping her look for apartments and will be filling some more spaces by helping her pack. She's moving out of her current place on July 15th so that will help pass some time as well.

Coming up to fill the spaces are 3 birthday parties (Jonah's friend, my first surroson is turning 4 and then Marryn's friend), an appt on Wednesday for me, soccer practice that evening, hockey the next night, the Drive In again to see Madagascar 3 this time, soccer game Saturday, more soccer and hockey the next week, possibly Marineland that week, then the 24th I have to meet with Cian's parents and a lawyer to finish up the final paperwork for his declaration of parentage, after that my mom and I are going to take the kids to Black Creek Pioneer Village. I have my 6 week check up the next day.

Then, on the 26th, Jonah's birthday, we will be heading up to Sudbury for a week for sure, possibly longer. We're staying for sure until the 2nd. If Jer's dad decides to go up for the civic holiday weekend, we'll stay for that weekend as well. Jer could possibly be finished on the 6th which means we'd all come home together (and this is what I'm ultimately hoping for!). If not, he'll be done somewhere around the 20th and we'll just come home and finish filling in more spaces until he gets home! Likely with more Drive In trips and what not.

This week has gone by faster than I expected it would (thankfully!) and I'm really hoping that with all the things we're planning to do, it will continue to go pretty quickly.

I'm very thankful for our iPhones, we're in contact every moment we can be. He says the work is relatively easy which I'm glad for him. He just moved into the Dorms at Cambrian College which is nicer than the Inn he was staying at and he has laundry facilities and his own bedroom here instead of sharing an open room with another guy. At least there is a wall separating their sleeping quarters now! They still share the kitchenette and bathroom but that's not so bad. We'll be staying there as well when we go up so we'll all be able to be in the same place!!

So, we're counting down the days!! 25 to go until we leave for Sudbury!!!

Cleaning, decluttering and some good news...

I decided to keep myself busy while Jer is away that I would take on the task of cleaning the entire house by myself.  For the last few weeks it has been a bit neglected because at the end of my pregnancy with Cian I just couldn't do what I normally would being that I was so big and then after birth, being a bit sore and needing to rest more frequently than normal.  Now that it has been two weeks since he was born (and given that I don't have an infant to take care of and can rest and recover alone), it is much easier for me to return to my normal routine...it's just a bit more intensive than it was when I was doing it every day/week.

I'm also planning to clean the basement.  We had worked on it a bit in the last few months but I am determined to get it cleaned up completely because Jer had mentioned he wants to have a bunch of his friends over for a poker tournament when he gets back...I'm hoping to have the basment all done so he can do it there as there isn't enough room on the main floor for that many people!!  Since a few people have stepped forward to say that they would take the kids for me every now and then so I can have a kid-free day, I plan to take advantage of those days to do stuff like this where it would be REALLY hard to have them here while I'm at it!  (Thank you already to Jer's step sister and dad for taking Marryn and Jonah for me that first night and full day, I didn't sleep well and I spent the entire day after cleaning and got a LOT accomplished without them here!!)

I spoke with Jer last night and he's found out a few things.  First, he opted to take the night shift while there.  He says it is quieter, cooler, has a 15% bonus included and also is likely to end 2 weeks sooner than expected!  YAY FOR SOONER! lol  He also found out that even though he's technically working right now, his union doesn't take "out of towners" off the out of work list...so when he gets home, he'll still be on the list where he left off and he won't be put back on the bottom (which means a longer wait for another job).  This is very good news as he says there is work coming in September and he likely won't be off for very long when he gets home.  This is ALSO very good news because it means buying a house!!!  I'm hoping we can stay on the same track as before (shooting for spring 2013 but start looking in the winter) even with this little setback.

I'm feeling ok about everything right now...it's hard when we use facetime to talk because I can see him...it just makes me miss him that much more.  But we're in touch all the time through texting so at least we have that.  I have a few things planned for the kids and I that will hopefully make the time pass less slowly for us.  Jonah's really taking it hard...he's cried a LOT since Jer left on Sunday.  He's very emotional poor guy.

First outing is the Drive In on Thursday night to see either Brave or Madagascar 3.  Next week I think we'll go to Safari Niagara and then the week after that possibly Marineland.  Then the week after that is Jonah's birthday and we're going to go to Sudbury for the weekend to visit Jer for that.  When we get home from there, the next weekend will be Canal Days.  Then I don't know what we'll do for the two weeks after that.  I also plan to spend quite a bit of time at the splash pads around here!!  I like them because I don't have to swim with them (being that I just gave birth, swimming is not an option right now!) and I can supervise from under a shady tree!

Only 2.5 more days of school for Jonah and then we're free to do whatever!  The boys will both be busy with Hockey and Soccer twice a week as well so they'll be busy with that as well as what I have planned.  James has to attend summer school this year as well so he won't have much time for anything!

Marryn turned 3 on the 17th of June too, I didn't write anything for that so here are a couple pictures!!


She's been very into Mickey and Minnie lately because we have been talking about Disney.  She's SOOOO excited to go trick or treating at Disney!


Hahahaha, I love the squishy face the goggles make lol


She's starting to look so grown up already....*sigh* My last baby is no longer a baby. ♥

First day of singlemomhood

Today is a sad day for me and the kids.  Jer left for a two month job in Sudbury.  I'm so incredibly sad.  The most we've been away from him in the last 7.5 years is like 2 nights!  It's hard...Jonah cried the hardest, Marryn doesn't quite understand yet.  I'm trying to keep it together for them.

People have had kind words like "it's not that long" or "it will go by quickly" or "take it one day at a time"....it's very nice of them to try and cheer me up so I will feel better but today, I'm just going to own the sadness I have.

He's my best friend.  We do everything together.  I'm going to miss him more than words can express.

I'm looking forward to the end of this....I cannot wait to have my husband, my children's father and my best friend back as a permanent fixture in our home!

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder....I'm not sure it's possible to be "fonder" of him than I already am...I love him with my entire being already.  My heart is a bit broken today.  I know it's temporary but still...this is one of the hardest things ever...

So...worst summer ever...be done now!!

It's a Boy!

Welcome to the world Cian Alexander!

Born 3 weeks early on Tuesday June 12th, 2012.  7 lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long!

I've never gone that early on my own before but this little guy had other plans!!  I woke up to a few contractions on Tuesday morning but they were like I had been having except a bit stronger and a few more than usual.  I thought nothing of it until I went to the bathroom and noticed some spotting.  I told Jer not to go too far because I thought something was happening.  I emailed his mom to let her know what was up and to be on stand by.  And then nothing happened all day except irregular contractions ranging anywhere from 9 minutes to 45 minutes apart.  The spotting went away.  I was starting to get discouraged that it was just a false alarm so I went and had a nap.  Again, like in the morning, I was woken up by contractions that were a bit stronger and a bit closer together than normal.  I was starting to get frustrated thinking my body was doing the fake out thing I've experienced so many times before with Braxton Hicks contractions (especially because I wasn't quite 37 weeks yet!) and so I came downstairs and sat on the exercise ball for about 40 minutes.  Jer was in the middle of making dinner while I was just sitting there and he needed to run to the grocery store to get lettuce and milk...I told him to go, that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.  At 6:35, I stood up from the ball to go to the bathroom and my water broke!!  That has NEVER happened to me before and WOW I didn't realize that it would be that much!  I ran upstairs and called Jer right away, he dropped what he was doing, called the baby's mom and dad and picked up our oldest son from his friends house so he could be here with the two younger ones until my mom got here (who I called right after I talked to Jer) and then came to get me.  I sat on the toilet for the most part until he got home because every time I got up there was so much water!!!  Jer helped me put the last minute things in my bag and our oldest threw some garbage bags on the front seat of our van and we were off to the hospital. 

Contractions were finally regular-ish and coming every 2-3 minutes.  We got to labour and delivery shortly after 7pm.  I was put in a case room and checked and found to be about 3-4 cm's dilated (just last Thursday my Dr. checked me and I was completely closed!) with what the nurse described as "copious amounts of water".  Jer texted mom and dad and let them know where we were at...they said they'd be here at 11 pm.  I was starting to think they weren't going to make it in time!

For the next couple hours I was hooked up to the monitors and was contracting away, praying for everything to go quickly, but not so quickly that mom and dad would miss the birth of their baby...that was a really hard happy medium to have!!!  Especially as the contractions got stronger!

Sometime after 9 pm (I can't remember the time really) they moved us over to the delivery room.  Getting up and walking really sucked!  Once we were in there, Jer continued with updates on facebook all the while trying to comfort me through the pain.  His sister came too and she also helped by rubbing my legs to give Jer a break.  I can see from Jer's updates on facebook that shortly before 10 I was 4-5 cm's dilated.  Mom and dad finally arrived at around 10:20 pm.  The nurse asked me around 10:30 what my pain was on a scale of 1-10...and I answered here with about an 8 or 9 and then with the next contraction I was screaming at her OK IT'S A TEN NOW!!!  With that answer, the nurse stepped out of the room to call the Dr. and at the end of the next contraction I felt that urge to push...I told Jer "GET THE NURSE!" so he ran out and did that...it was very chaotic to me after that.  I was in so much pain that I probably looked completely crazy and wide-eyed!  The nurse was telling me to blow as hard as I could because she wasn't gloved up yet and I really had no control over the pushing urge.  It hurt SO bad...this was my worst birth for pain, that's for sure!  I didn't have any pain medication at all so it was also my first completely natural childbirth.  No induction, no IV's and no pain meds.  Go me!  :D

From that first contraction where I needed to push it was probably about 3 minutes total until he was born.  It was SO fast (thank God!).  As soon as he was completely out I yelled "THANK GOD!!!" lol because the pain was over (mostly lol).  Dad announced that it was a boy and they took him over to the warmer to start checking him out.  Then the Dr. and nurses attended to me (I have hemorrhaged in the past so they gave me some meds to make sure I wouldn't do that again).  I had no tearing at all (huge surprise given how quickly he came) and everything was good from then on out!

I'm very proud of how this pregnancy and delivery went :)  I only gained 14 lbs in total and still he was completely healthy and weighed in well 3 weeks early!  Cian (pronounced key-an) is a beautiful little boy and his parents are just thrilled with him :)  We got to spend a bit of time rooming in together before I went home the next day (not even 24 hours in the hospital, I needed to rest in my own bed!!).

Today I feel like I've been hit by a truck a couple times but I suppose it could be worse!

And, I am now officially retired reproductively speaking.  After 7 pregnancies and 7 babies, 3 of my own and 4 for 3 other families, I'm finished.  It was a great ending to say the least!!  Now it's time to work on me, lose some weight and down the road maybe think about a tummy tuck to get rid of all the extra skin that has stretched out over the course of 14.5 years and 7 pregnancies!  I'm looking forward to this new phase in my life.  Now, my friends and family need to start having babies so I can revell in their pregnancies instead of my own!!!  :)

Happy Thursday!!

Busy

Dr.'s appointments, hockey and cubs and soccer and just general errands have kept us a very busy family for the last week!

There isn't much to report.  I've got 34 days left to go of this pregnancy (well, until my due date, I could go longer, who knows) and in that time we have Marryn's 3rd birthday, a wedding, father's day, Marryn's birthday party, exams for James, the end of school, a golf tournament and about 5 more Dr.'s appointments, an eye appointment for Marryn (her first one) along with hockey and soccer (cubs ended on Tuesday night).  So lots to keep me occupied until the end!!  I'm thankful for that, it makes the time go quicker.

I'm also thankful for our central air!!  It was quite hot earlier this week and on the weekend and I was very glad to be a hermit and hang out in the a/c!!  I can sweat just sitting here now!  Yesterday and today are much nicer and yesterday we got a LOT done and we were out virtually all day long.  We went to the union hall to drop off our paperwork for our new glasses, picked up our new glasses, I went and got my blood work done in preparation for my Rhogam shot which I will have either today or tomorrow, we went to our friends house and Jer helped him remove a tree, then we went for lunch at the Smokin' Buddha with him...Marryn loved sitting outside on the patio to eat :)  Then we came home and Jer went and gave blood, then we took Jonah to his soccer practice and after that we came home and had dinner and hung out and watched TV for the night.  It was so beautiful out.  Great day :)

Today we're kind of lounging.  Jer's napping on the couch and Marryn is hanging out in her undies watching Caillou hehe...so cute.  I'm just doing a couple loads of laundry and hanging out on the computer for now.  I'm hoping to go get my Rhogam shot later but when I called this morning they were pretty busy at Labour and Delivery and told me to call back this afternoon so we'll see.

This weekend is quiet other than Jonah's soccer game on Saturday so we'll likely just be spontaneous...if we decide to do something it will be last minute for sure.

Hope everyone had a good week!!!

Plans on hold

So Jer got laid off again on Friday after only being at this new job for 11 weeks.  It totally sucks because now he's at the bottom of the out of work list and there are about 170 people ahead of him with no job.  *sigh*  I thought we were finally getting somewhere...we went from 7 credit cards down to 2 and only one with any balance on it, we had savings, we had a plan.  We went to the bank and talked about a mortgage and it went well but we had decided to wait until he got his raise in November.  Now that raise will not come for an extra however long he's off.

I was pretty disappointed on Friday and in a terrible mood on Saturday.  Took me a little bit to bounce back but I'm ok today.  Our plan is no longer, we have to reconfigure it in a bunch of different ways and it's definitely going to take longer now.  I hate when stuff takes longer!!

Other than that though, our weekend was great!  The weather was incredible and we had the baseball tournament, visited friends at their campsite and Jer and the kids helped open his parents pool while I cleaned the house, then we had a BBQ there and took Jonah to soccer.  James spent all day on Saturday at Canada's Wonderland with his girlfriend.  I'm thankful we had the savings to dip into to be able to buy his ticket and give him $60 for spending money so that it would be a really great day for him.  After soccer last night (where James met up with his girlfriend and took off on us again lol, such is the life of a teenager I guess), we took the kids with Jer's sister and her boyfriend for some ice cream and then went and helped my best friend put up a pool in her backyard.

I feel like I need a vacation from our long weekend!!  It was fun though.  Jer and I did a ghost walk in Niagara on the Lake on Friday night too which was so much fun!!  I love stuff like that and it was perfect weather for it as well.

This week we're not doing a whole lot...cubs tonight, hockey on Thursday as well as a Dr's appointment for me and lunch with baby's mom and her dad who is here from England.  It's her birthday Thursday so it should be a nice lunch :)

Only a month until Marryn's 3rd birthday already!  We're planning to have a small party again at Jer's dads.  I can't believe how fast it's gone!  And then just 2 weeks after that school is out!  This year is flying by!  I'm looking forward to our camping trip in August and our Florida trip in October...I can't wait!!!

Happy "Monday" that's actually a Tuesday!!!!  :)

Happy Long Weekend!

Sorry I've been quiet, things have been up in the air for the last week.  We were bouncing around the idea of possibly not waiting to get a house and finding something now, just a bit cheaper.  We went to the bank yesterday and it is possible to do that but we would likely be settling so I think we're just going to wait.  It's only 6-8 months.  And then we'll be looking in the range that we REALLY want to be looking.  And who knows, maybe we'll win the lottery before then (hey, we can dream right?!).

Other than that it's been a week of cubs and hockey and this weekend is Jer's annual family baseball tournament.  Every year they do it to raise money for breast cancer.  We always have a blast with everyone and we're looking forward to this year because there is absolutely NO rain in the forecast and it's supposed to be GORGEOUS all weekend!!

We're also going out to see our friends who are camping with their brand new (friggin' huge!) trailer at some point and have dinner and a bonfire with them for the evening.  I'm VERY much looking forward to that, I've been dying to have a fire in the last little bit but we've got no wood.  That and it's just not the same in our little chiminea.

Tonight the kids are going to their Aunt's overnight.  Jer and I have a whole night by ourselves!  The first since our honeymoon a year and a half ago!!  We're very excited and totally at a loss for what to do with ourselves lol..."We don't do this often, what should we do??"...  "I dunno, what do you want to do??"  So that's what I'll be doing today, trying to figure out what we should do!

Then on Monday we're going to Jer's dad's to help them open the pool and have dinner.  Should be a good weekend :)

I hope you have a wonderful 4 day weekend if you are in Canada, if not, hopefully you have a lovely normal weekend!!!  :)

32 Weeks!

Well, we turned 32 weeks pregnant yesterday!  This has gone by SO fast!  We have a Dr's appointment today and then dinner with baby's mom and dad this evening, we're going for sushi :)  I can't believe there is only 8 weeks left of my absolute last pregnancy!  (And I'm so done too, I didn't think I'd ever get sick of being pregnant but I do NOT want to have anymore babies after this!!)  This has been such a good pregnancy too.  I haven't had a lot of the pain I had with Marryn and I only had the one episode of bleeding (which was scary and had me off work but luckily it was that my placenta was low and it has since moved and everything is perfectly fine now).  I've been active and not too miserable in general lol.  It's a good ending to my reproductive years :)

This weekend is supposed to be BEAUTIFUL and I'm so excited because Jer FINALLY has the weekend off!!!  We're going to celebrate Mother's Day for me on Saturday because on Sunday we're going to make his mom dinner (and something else during the day that I can't remember.....I hate when that happens!).  I bought some steak and pork chops for over the weekend as well because it's supposed to be so nice that I figured maybe we'll do a BBQ on Saturday (if not Friday too!) and maybe invite some friends over and have a fire (the first of the year!).

Then next weekend is Jer's dad's cousins annual baseball tournament that we go to every year.  James is old enough to play this year so he's pretty excited about it!  The kids are off on Friday AND Monday of next week too so it will be a very nice long weekend :)

Things are moving along with our down payment and I've been checking out the Realtor.ca website now and then.  There are some REALLY nice houses in our price range and I'm SO looking forward to finally moving to a home.  Not just an apartment, but a place where I'll actually want to paint and hang things on the walls and have plants outside!  And a GARDEN!!  I'm so excited for a garden!  We do a lot of local fruits and veggie shopping here when it's in season and I'm really hoping to be able to grow some of my own and can it.  We had GREAT success with the strawberry jam we made last year (it only lasted a couple of weeks!!) and I plan to make that again this year.  Our Sunday drives are about to resume too, our local stands that we go to almost every week are just opening up (one last weekend and one this weekend) and I've been craving fresh peas!

Anyway, even though it's only Thursday, Happy Weekend!!  It's going to be gorgeous, enjoy it!!  :)

May the Fourth be with you!

Whoooo it's humid!  Marryn and I have ULTRA frizzy hair the last two days!!  It's been beautiful though :)

Yesterday was WAY too hot to do anything but already today I've made up for it since it was a bit cooler this morning despite the humidity.  Everything is done but the dishes and the kitchen floor and I have to start a load of laundry.  I love it when I feel productive before noon!!

Marryn and I have a playdate today as well.  We're going to have some lunch and just hang out around the house but I'm excited that she'll have someone to play with for a couple of hours!  She plays really well by herself but it's always nice to have someone else to play with :)

Not much is up for the weekend.  Jer is likely working (and today is day 19 in a row)...I asked him to take Sunday off just for a break but he said that this overtime is not going to last forever and he doesn't want to say no to it.  We've already got quite a bit saved for a down payment and every little bit helps so I can't argue with him there.  I'm just trying to make life at home as easy for him as possible!  He hasn't had to do much around here but cook dinner once in a while which he likes doing.  I've made sure he has clean work clothes whenever he needs them.  I'm hoping when he does get a day off that I can let him sleep in too.

Other than that, James has another ball hockey game tomorrow (he won yesterday :)) and that's about it.  Our local fruit and veggies stand opens tomorrow too so we'll likely take a drive out there and see what they have!

Happy Weekend!!!

Where are you Mr. Sun??

These last couple of days have been blah.  I haven't been sleeping good due to indigestion and it's been either cloudy or rainy :(  Normally I love the rain but it just makes me more tired and WAY less motivated when I don't sleep good.  Today is supposed to be much warmer than the last couple and the sun seems to be trying to peek through but it's just not quite there!

Last night was pretty rough sleeping wise, I had horrible indigestion that was making me feel sick and not even my Tums were helping!!  I had to stay sitting straight up!  Lesson learned:  don't eat coleslaw with onions for the rest of this pregnancy!!

I'm tired but it's not as bad as yesterday.  I slept ok the night before but for some reason I just could not get moving!  I even took a nap with Marryn!  Needless to say I did absolutely nothing yesterday so I have a bit of catching up to do today.  A few loads of laundry and a few dishes and of course, the floors are sticky even though I just washed them on Sunday (joy of little children who spill things and don't/can't wipe it up properly!) so I hope to get around to that today as well.

Dinner is easy tonight, we bought some frozen Chinese dishes in the states last week and I also am making Jer this because it's one of his favourite dishes when we go out for sushi and since we're working on a down payment we don't have much extra for sushi dates!

Like I said on Sunday, this week is pretty quiet.  No appointments or anything.  Jer and Jonah had cubs last night and James has ball hockey tomorrow but other than that nothing is going on.

I think Marryn has been going through a growth spurt lately, she's eating so much!!  The other morning she had a banana, grapes, applesauce, cheese and some fruit snacks and was still asking for cereal and more applesauce!  I made her wait a little bit but she ate a good lunch that day and then asked for seconds at supper as well.  This morning is the same breakfast minus the applesauce so far, she'll likely ask for some of that in a bit!  Normally a bowl of cereal goes unfinished in the morning for her!  It's almost time to measure them again I think!!!

Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday!!!  :)

Happy Sunday!

Man, what a beautiful morning to wake up to!!

It's been a good weekend.  Yesterday we went for dinner for Jer's dad's birthday and then back to their house for a party.  The kids went to my niece's birthday party earlier in the day and James had a ball hockey game so they didn't come for dinner but they came to the party after.

Today is for laundry and I'm going to get the kitchen floor washed.  I started it yesterday but ran out of time.  We're having grilled pork tenderloin for dinner tonight...I do all the sides and Jer does the BBQ'ing, I hate the BBQ, it freaks me out lol.  I'm definitely missing Jer being home on Sunday's right now, usually we go for a drive with the kids, come home and have family dinner but with him working all we can do is the family dinner.

This week is pretty uneventful.  No appointments or anything, just cubs and ball hockey for Jonah and James.  The weather is supposed to be great all week so I'll likely try and get Marryn out to the park a couple of mornings.  It's been too cold and wet the last 2 weeks after I take Jonah to school.

Other than that I'll likely continue planning our camping trip and Florida trip in the fall.  I've already booked our camp site in August from the 10th to the 19th.  I'm SO excited about that, we haven't been able to get out the last couple of years and we've really wanted to, it just never lined up.  This year it works out perfectly, we are borrowing Jer's dad's trailer again and they're gone away for that week as well and won't be using it.  We'll be putting a trailer hitch on our new van as well so that we can haul it ourselves this time, last time we needed him to bring it to us at our camp site.

Florida, even though it's like 7 months away, is a big thing on my mind right now!  We'll be there over Halloween so we're trying to decide if we want to go trick or treating door to door in a place called Celebration, Florida, or if we want to spend an extra $80 per person and trick or treat IN Disney.  We'll already be there that day anyway so we'll have experienced all the decorations and characters and everything, I'm just wondering if $80/pp is worth it for trick or treating or not...I'm leaning toward Celebration but we'll have to see.  We'll also be visiting Universal Studios and Adventure Island to check out the Wizarding World of Harry Potter!  THAT is the main attraction for me!  I really think it will be for the boys as well and since my mom is coming with us and Universal is a little more older child oriented, Marryn might stay with Grandma for the day when we go there.  I just don't think she'll enjoy Universal as much as the boys will.  It's less princess and more Harry Potter and the Simpsons lol.  Other than that, our villa has a pool in the backyard so we'll likely be spending a few days just relaxing around the pool side.  We want to go to the beach one of the days we're there so the kids can check out the ocean but we haven't decided if we'll go to the Gulf or Atlantic side yet...our villa location is right in the middle.  I've heard good things about both sides so I'll have to look into it more.  I think Jer wants to find a place to rent a surfboard for a couple of hours with James and I think the Atlantic side is better for that.  There is also a Ghost Tour that I'd like to check out...we may do that the night of our anniversary.  I'm so looking forward to this, our first real family vacation!

Now that I've talked and blogged about my ruminating the recent hurtful events, I'm feeling SO much better about them.  Talking to the people who really matter about how I was feeling and realizing that I don't need to be ashamed of feeling sad that a particular friendship has ended has really helped me gain some perspective.  So thank you to my husband and my best friend, for helping me realize why I was rehashing it all the time.  It makes total sense and I think I'm finally able to start moving on from it.  It feels good to be able to start moving forward again.  It was the one thing I said at the beginning of it all was that I didn't want to dwell on it.  I had put everything tangible away, I didn't reread or over think everything yet I was still having the issue moving forward.  I think I just needed to talk through it a bit more and acknowledge my sadness and not feel bad that what I was feeling WAS sadness after being angry for a couple of weeks.

There are much better things to be focusing on in just this year alone!  Grieve, wipe the dust off and move on.  This year started out not the greatest but it's going to END fantastically!!!

Good Morning!

I love it when I'm up before the kids and the sun is shining and the birds are chirping :)  It certainly puts me in a good mood!!  It gives me time to do my internet thing and then get some cleaning done without any children underfoot.  And then I can spend time and focus on them when they do get up instead of being distracted by dishes from the evening before or laundry that I haven't started yet.

I'm definitely feeling better already after yesterday's blog post.  Not only was it good to write it out (I've always been one to write out how I'm feeling and ALWAYS it makes me feel better, even if just a little) but my wonderful husband also put things in perspective for me.  He said, no matter what you do or say, nothing will change the way that person feels about you and the way you live your life.  Nothing will ever be good enough.  Right now, you don't work outside the house, but we see how damned hard you work inside to take care of our kids and me and cleaning and whatnot.  They don't see that.  And even if you went out and got a college or university degree and started working full time at a career, that person would say, "Well, your husband paid for your education and now your kids are suffering because you're not home to take care of them and cook meals and they're having to be little slaves while you both work".  And it dawned on me that he is absolutely right.  No matter WHAT I do or say, this person will feel the way they feel...there will always be some reason to diminish what I am doing for my family, whether it be inside or outside the home.

I can only improve myself in the ways that I think I might be lacking.  And I am and have been doing that for quite some time now.  He acknowledged that for me too, and that really helped.  I could not have asked for a better husband, that's for sure!!

So after a comment left yesterday about how maybe it's time for some counselling because I keep thinking about everything, I took a warm bath and got introspective.  Do I really need counselling?  No.  I need time to grieve the loss of a friendship that I thought was pretty important.  It's like a death.  You don't just move on and forget about the person.  You think about them.  Go over what you wish you could have said or did before they "died" and eventually you think about them a little less every day or week that passes.  You'll never forget, but you move on with life.  Everyday gets a little easier and you cope a little better with the loss and hurt.

I'm happy and confident in the way we're living our lives.  I don't have to answer to anyone but my husband and children who have assured me that they are happy and it's clear that they are healthy.  And that's really all that matters.  Friends will come and go but my family will be there for the rest of my life.  They're the ones who will see me to the end of this life.  They are what's important.  I will make it my mission to remember that every single day and not take them for granted!!

Letting go

I've spent a bit of time in the last few days researching about why I'm having such a hard time letting go of a few things that have happened recently.

No matter what I do or what I say to myself, these events keep replaying in my mind over and over again.  I'll be doing fine and then I'll be standing at the sink doing dishes and before I know it I've gone over the whole thing again.  I think about what people have said, what they've done and what I can do or could have done to prevent it or change it in some way.

Logically, I know that I can't change the way people act.  Even if it's things they are saying about me.  I can't change that.  I can't even change the way they think about me even if it's completely skewed.  The only thing I can do is remember that it is THEIR issue and not mine.  Even if it happens to affect me when I least expect it.  I have to remember that it is what it is.  Things happen for a reason and fate is on my side whether it's crappy at the time or not. 

What I'd really like to do though is stop thinking about it so much.  I've put everything tangible away.  I don't reread things that were written.  And even still, I find myself not only just thinking about it but DREAMING about things that happened, just in a different way...like something in my dream happened as a direct result of this event.  Which is clearly my subconscious letting me know I'm not over it.

I wouldn't say I'm angry about it.  I'm more hurt than anything else.  The person involved was someone I thought was my friend.  Like, good friend.  When other people said to me, "Do you think so and so may have been involved?" I ALWAYS said, "Nooo, why would they do that??  I trust them, we're close, we share a lot!".  Never in a million years did I think they would say the things they said or do the things they did.  I really trusted this person and told them my life story.  They knew virtually everything about me.  And then they turned around and used some of that stuff against me after I trusted them with the information.

Now I find myself questioning EVERYONE.  I wonder who else I have trusted has done something similar...obviously not to the extent that this person has gone but even still.  It's just a little bit harder to trust now.

So for now, I'm working on it.  When I start thinking about it, I try to do something else, redirect my focus on to something positive.

If nothing else came out of all of these events, I have certainly been doing what I can to improve myself as a person, wife and mother.  I don't ever want someone to actually think any of the things that were said are true and I will do whatever I can to prove them all wrong.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not perfect.  I've made mistakes in the past and I'll absolutely make mistakes in the future.  However, I will do the best I can with what we have.  I will constantly look for ways to be better.  Even in the smallest measure.

And I will remember as well:

"Before you judge me, make sure you're perfect!"

I will not judge others by their actions.  It is what it is and it's their own karma that they will have to deal with one day.

I will forgive (from a far distance!) but not forget.

I will not wish ill on others.

I will not make the same mistakes twice.

I will continue to be who I am, with peace in the knowledge that I am trying to be the best me I can be. 

Even if someone else doesn't think so....that's not on me, that's on them.

Wordless Wednesday: Home Decor - Colour Schemes

Concert and a new plan!

Yesterday we went to see Ani DiFranco in concert.  It was TOTALLY awesome, she is so great!!  Just a girl and her guitar on a stage.  So much emotion in her songs, it was absolutely amazing and I love her new album!  We also discovered a new band called Pearl and the Beard who opened for her, they were really great as well and Jer bought their album on vinyl :)  It was a really wonderful evening and it was just what we needed to unwind after that last couple of days.

Going forward, we have a new plan.  After the landlord with the "friend from bible study" who told him that we have garbage piled up outside our unit (which I almost want to post pictures to prove we don't but I won't), irresponsible fires (which are burned in a Chiminea, pictured below, on a patio stone ...least "irresponsible" fire ever!) and that we "inappropriately holler" at our children....we took stock and really talked about what we want as our end goal.  I'm trying to have a positive outlook on this.  Do I yell at the kids too much??  I didn't think so but after this, maybe I'll think twice before I raise my voice and try to discipline them in a more constructive way.  As for the other things, there is nothing to change because they are absolutely not true.  Why someone would feel the need to give us a bad review like that, I have no idea.  I just have to think, there was a reason for it....meaning there is a reason we didn't get this house because it wasn't meant to be and we would have likely had problems in the future.

All of that pushed us to really tighten our wallets, strive to save up a down payment and buy our own house.  While we can't afford to get a mortgage right this minute, come December when Jer moves over to 5th year apprentice, his salary goes up and we'll be able to then.  I did some research on mortgage prices and interest rates and even if we had the highest interest rate, we'd still only be paying $50 more a month to BUY a house than we would be if we were renting from the landlord who listened to his friend.  If we have the banks interest rate where it's at now (3.49% or something similar) we'd be paying about $20 more a month (plus a water bill every three month) than we are at our apartment right now!  I've looked for about 3 weeks and rent on a 3/4 bedroom house in the are and neighbourhood we're looking runs anywhere from $1250/mo to $1500/mo!  If we bought our own, in the same neighbourhoods at the prices we can afford, we'd be paying about $800/mo for a mortgage!!  That's a HUGE difference and therefore it doesn't make ANY sense to move right now as much as I dislike the neighbours and how bad I want to.

So our plan now is to put every penny away that we can toward our down payment.  Then in December, go the bank and start the process and likely buy by the spring of 2013.

It's 1 year or less.  We can do it!  I plan on spending a lot of time away from home this summer though to keep my kids away from the kids here since they aren't the greatest influences!!

I'm off to buy a coffee maker to keep us from buying Tim Horton's in the morning!

Have a great Sunday!

Friday

Today has been a pretty rough day emotionally and I've spent a couple of hours in tears.  I was really getting my hopes up for this house we were supposed to see tonight when I received an email from the person renting the home that he had heard some unfavourable things about my family and how we live.  He is, of course, mistaken but the story has been told now and it doesn't matter.  If he did reconsider we wouldn't rent from him anyway as he is clearly someone who takes hearsay at face value without doing his own research.  He judged the book by the review of someone who glanced at the back cover synopsis.  He asked for references and a letter from the landlord as well as Jer's employer to verify we were who we said and so on...we had all the documents he asked for...apparently it didn't matter.

Although I wanted this house so badly and I was so disappointed when I received the email, after talking it over with not only Jer but with several other people, I've come to the conclusion that it is what it is and it's obviously meant to be.

That being said, I'm feeling the need to share some quotable inspiration.  I was blindsided today and have been frustrated, angry, sad, appalled and just plain irritated since then.  I have to believe in karma, I have no other recourse.  I do believe that you cannot be vindictive and spiteful without it coming back to bite you at some point.  So I will not lower myself to that level.  I will not wish ill on people.  I will feel sorry for them.  And that is all.
 ____________________________________________________
"What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth.” ~Jewish Saying

“Gossip is a sort of smoke that comes from the dirty tobacco-pipes of those who diffuse it: it proves nothing but the bad taste of the smoker.” George Eliot
_____________________________________________________
"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world right in the eye."
- Helen Keller

"I'm a true believer in karma. You get what you give, whether it's bad or good."

"Sometimes not getting what you want is an amazing stroke of luck."
______________________________________________________

This too shall pass.  We have certainly gone through worse.  What's important is that we have each other.  This will not matter in 6 months, in 1 year, in 5 years.

I will not let the opinions of others define me.  I know who I am.  I know I'm not what they said and I will continue to live my life the way *I* see fit, not the way others THINK I should be.  I am not mean.  I am not vindictive.  I am not spiteful.  I love my children and my husband and my friends and family.  I am generous with them.  I do not expect anything I have not worked for.  And for anyone that thinks otherwise, you obviously didn't realize I might have grown up in the last 10 years (22 year old's are certainly more immature and selfish than 32 year old's!).  People change and I am not who I once was.  People make mistakes, and most learn from them.  I know I have. 

Thankful Thursday

1.  My children.  Even when we're not necessarily getting along (teenagers are trying), I'm thankful for you everyday.  You push my buttons and drive me crazy but you also warm my heart and make me laugh.  I love you forever.

2.  My husband.  For telling me, when I just can't hold it together, that you love me and that you're here, wholeheartedly and that you aren't going anywhere.  That we'll get through this just like anything else.  You give me the strength and courage to push on even when I'd rather go to bed for 3 weeks!  I love you times infinity plus one.

3. Now that the extreme seriousness of my thankfulness is out of the way ;), I'm thankful for our new van!  It's a beautiful 2010 Dodge Grand Caravan and we LOVE it.  I'm thankful for all of the things that made it possible for us to now own this beautiful vehicle!

4.  I'm thankful not only for our country's health insurance, but also the extra coverage we have through Jer's union.  I've read in the last few weeks about people who have to worry about their health needs being paid for by insurance companies who take their sweet time as well as people who have no insurance at all and have to choose between groceries and getting medical attention when they're sick.  I'm so grateful that our children can and do visit the Dr. on a regular basis, have regular dental and eye check ups and get prescriptions and that it doesn't cost us an arm and a leg to pay for it.  We are very, very fortunate to have coverage!

5. I'm thankful for everything seeming to fall into place so far for the new house we're looking at tomorrow.  I mentioned that the landlord was asking for some reference letters and whatnot and we have two of the three items and are picking up the third tonight so that when we go and view the house tomorrow we'll have everything he's asked for.  I'm really hoping that because of that we can move forward and rent this particular house.  I'm pretty sure the other one has been rented already but we preferred this one anyway as there is a rent to own option.

Happy day before the weekend starts!!!!