Things are busy and wonderful! Jer has been back and forth now a few times to the camp he's working at up North....we've missed him and crammed everything in during the 6 days he's home in between. Now, he's home until at least the 14th if not for good! In two days, we're packing 3 kids and my mom in our van, Jer's best man, his sister and her boyfriend in Mr. Best Man's car and we're driving straight for 24 hours to a vacation home in Florida for a week! I'M SO EXCITED I CAN HARDLY STAND IT!!!!
During that week, we'll celebrate two absolutely wonderful years of marriage and we'll lounge beside the heated pool in back yard and we'll visit the famous flea markets there....we'll bring our kids to the Gulf of Mexico to swim and then to the Atlantic Ocean to dip their toes in just to say they've done it....we'll trick or treat in a completely different country AND....we'll go to the Magic Kingdom for a day!!! It's going to be an amazing trip and the pictures and memories we'll have from it will be just awesome!
Other than planning and packing we've been on and off looking at houses and we even put an offer in on one at the beginning of October but unfortunately couldn't come to an agreement. It wasn't meant to be though otherwise it would've happened smoothly!
I've been reading "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay as well and it really has changed/healed my life. No more hate speak about myself (on a daily basis I was telling myself I was too fat, too ugly, nose is crooked, among many many other things!), no more trying to be perfect or a reflection of what others think I should be, I'm not living my life for them. I'm letting go of all the hurt I've been holding onto for all these years. I'm learning to forgive wrongs that happened when I was a child and wrongs that happened days, months and weeks ago...it's a freeing and refreshing feeling to let go of all of the resentment.
Everyone in my life has come into it for one reason or another....good and bad, they've all taught me invaluable lessons about myself, my life and other people. They've taught me good things and bad things. I do not regret ANYTHING (and there used to be a list a mile and a half long that I HATED that happened to me) that has ever happened. I do not regret meeting ANY of the people I met. If things hadn't happened as they had, I wouldn't be where I am today...and I LOVE where I am today!
I'm forgiving myself for everything I've done as well. We all tend to beat ourselves up for everything we've ever done. We don't live in the past, it's time to forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes and MOVE ON. The things I've done wrong in life are not what defines me! Everyone makes mistakes, you learn from them and move on. What matters is who I am now...and who I will continue to be in the future.
I'm learning to accept things as they are....if something happens, it's happening because it's supposed to happen that way. It will eventually get me to where I'm supposed to be. I'm embracing things instead of being angry or disappointed. This has REALLY helped me...when we didn't get the house we put an offer on, I was disappointed....but in the past, I would have cried and said "Why not, why can't we just have things go smoothly, why don't we ever get what we want"....not anymore. Instead, I thanked the universe for giving us the opportunity to see how things work when you're offering to buy a house and recognized that this wasn't the right house for us. If it was, we'd be moving into it when we got home from Florida!
I put out gratitude and list things I'm thankful for every single day. Something as small as the new delicious coffee we bought the other day in Niagara on the Lake or as big as a wonderful husband who is positively reinforcing my new way of thinking everyday. Small things like being able to afford Netflix and large things like being able to be a surrogate mother (I'm soo thankful I was able to help 3 families!!). Small things like green chapstick and huge things like having a HUGE family who loves and accepts me as I am! Small things like having the courage and talent to be in a musical (I'm doing Oliver! this year and loving it!) and huge things like having more than enough money to pay our bills! I'm thankful for the the sun when it's shining and the rain when it's pouring. I'm grateful for the endless hugs and kisses I get everyday from my husband and kids. I'm thankful for my health and life in general.
I'm taking care of me more and even started wearing a bit of make up now and then...if you know me, you know I "don't do" make up. But why not?? I always felt like I was trying to be someone I wasn't when I put make up on...but why am I not that lady who wears a bit of make up? So now I do.
I've started eating better and have a plan to do a couch to 5k program when we get home from Florida. I'm accepting myself as I am (I've had 7 babies, my tummy is SUPPOSED to look like that! Sure, my nose is crooked, but how boring would this world be if we all looked the same...my crooked nose is part of my uniqueness!) but I also know that working on me will help me love myself that much more. I have been referred to a rheumatologist and have an appointment in March...we suspect Fibromyalgia (all my blood work came back normal so we know I don't have arthritis, lupus, diabetes or a thyroid problem...so now we work on ruling out everything else as well). Exercising will help me deal with Fibro better too if that's what it is.
Everything I do, everything I think...I'm changing into positive. When I'm in a bad mood, I question why, "talk" it out with myself and turn it around. My family deserves that and so do I!
My mantra's are: I accept and approve of myself. I love myself. I am enough! I deserve all I have and more. I am a GREAT mother. I am a GREAT wife. Everything is as it should be, if I don't like it, the reason will be revealed to me later. I must be patient (this is a learning process for me to say the least but I'm definitely working on it!!). All is well and right in my world!
These mantra's alone have helped me be more happy and calm. I had been taking medication for my anxiety and it has been drastically reduced since reading this book and changing my outlook and attitude! I'M PROUD OF THIS!!!
I'm not "there" yet, but I am working, successfully, on loving myself, accepting myself and enjoying everything I have.
Life is so good. I can't ask for more than that!
Off to Florida in two more sleeps, I'll post when we get home with some pictures!!!!
Enjoy your life!!
