Good Morning!

I love it when I'm up before the kids and the sun is shining and the birds are chirping :)  It certainly puts me in a good mood!!  It gives me time to do my internet thing and then get some cleaning done without any children underfoot.  And then I can spend time and focus on them when they do get up instead of being distracted by dishes from the evening before or laundry that I haven't started yet.

I'm definitely feeling better already after yesterday's blog post.  Not only was it good to write it out (I've always been one to write out how I'm feeling and ALWAYS it makes me feel better, even if just a little) but my wonderful husband also put things in perspective for me.  He said, no matter what you do or say, nothing will change the way that person feels about you and the way you live your life.  Nothing will ever be good enough.  Right now, you don't work outside the house, but we see how damned hard you work inside to take care of our kids and me and cleaning and whatnot.  They don't see that.  And even if you went out and got a college or university degree and started working full time at a career, that person would say, "Well, your husband paid for your education and now your kids are suffering because you're not home to take care of them and cook meals and they're having to be little slaves while you both work".  And it dawned on me that he is absolutely right.  No matter WHAT I do or say, this person will feel the way they feel...there will always be some reason to diminish what I am doing for my family, whether it be inside or outside the home.

I can only improve myself in the ways that I think I might be lacking.  And I am and have been doing that for quite some time now.  He acknowledged that for me too, and that really helped.  I could not have asked for a better husband, that's for sure!!

So after a comment left yesterday about how maybe it's time for some counselling because I keep thinking about everything, I took a warm bath and got introspective.  Do I really need counselling?  No.  I need time to grieve the loss of a friendship that I thought was pretty important.  It's like a death.  You don't just move on and forget about the person.  You think about them.  Go over what you wish you could have said or did before they "died" and eventually you think about them a little less every day or week that passes.  You'll never forget, but you move on with life.  Everyday gets a little easier and you cope a little better with the loss and hurt.

I'm happy and confident in the way we're living our lives.  I don't have to answer to anyone but my husband and children who have assured me that they are happy and it's clear that they are healthy.  And that's really all that matters.  Friends will come and go but my family will be there for the rest of my life.  They're the ones who will see me to the end of this life.  They are what's important.  I will make it my mission to remember that every single day and not take them for granted!!